A Never Ending Gesture
A few weeks ago, I was grabbing some Insomnia cookies and ice cream at like midnight for some unknown craving when a man came up and went thru his whole life story of needing a few dollars for the night, as well as getting a few jobs and child support. I let him get thru it all and sad to say I did not have any cash on hand. Even when I tried to offer him some cookies.
In a world of plastic and pandemic having actual cash is a rarity which makes a pretty decent excuse.
I left saddened I could not help him or offer anything because it was the honest truth this time. In a world of plastic and pandemic having actual cash is a rarity which makes a pretty decent excuse. Surprisingly I went to a bank ATM that very night to get some money out. I drove back to the place downtown and drove around a bit but for the life of me I could not find him. And I was circling for about 15 minutes. I went back home heavy with ice cream, cookies and cash buried in my thoughts.
I still don’t why I even went to the bank or it weighed heavily on me. I am usually the ones who is trying to avoid pulling up and idling in front of the red light while they are holding their sign. Even when I don’t even have any money in my pocket. I feel bad for a few moments but then my mind moves onto something else as the short attention span and clickbait society I live in dictates. I feel I mentally hold tighter to the little I have as if they will take it from me and suck me dry. As if I was a rich CEO and they were hanging on my coat tails to my ride to success. Deluding myself into thinking that giving them this small portion would take away me off my current “pre rich” path. I remember going back one weekend and seeing one man hold a sign and asking for 25 cents. As if that meager amount would buy anything of significance. But then even I could not give anything then even from the change I had in the car.
I look back to when I have donated to anyone and I cannot really think of any when it was not transactional in nature. I look back to volunteering at a STEM career fair at an established time and location. MLK weekend and the day of service the University services. Always on my own comfortable terms to feel that self accomplishment and boost to my ego. Granted I did it because I enjoy it but not on a regular basis. Or anything to feel a long lasting impact.
I think of some King of Queens episode where the couple was doing taxes and trying to see what they can deduct from their taxes and knowing the exact amount. It feels like keeping track breeds insincerity. Like holding out until it gets paid back so it can be an equivalent exchange. While not seeing how that negates the kindness in a certain degree. We know that millionaires and big corps donate to big causes that give the greatest impact.
I decided to Google to see where my perceptions led me. I go in with the jaded thought that corps donate for publicity, good PR, tax write offs. And some of that is true.
The reasons I saw from the list surprised me too because it felt like I was in a court room and people were explaining why it was better not to help to donate to others on an individual basis. And it is surreal the way one can create an argument to not help others.
- Millionaires do donate and still do usually with a distinct goal towards philanthropy even with capitalist mindsets.
- I saw the usual expression of “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” which they explained “Giving the poor money solves nothing as they just spend the money and are then back to the well over and over again for more handouts.” And going on about poor remaining poor because of their mindset and having a victim attitude. As if there are no external factors or obstacles stopping them from progress. As if they chose to be poor. Think of the catch 22 of getting higher education for a better salary. Kids today have to take out loans just to go into debt to get a better lifestyle.
- Another person went onto explain we are selfish. What is considered poor are people who live on less than a dollar a day and that’s nearly half of the world. But also not considering that over 78% of workers live paycheck to paycheck. So we (including myself) are living with a knife right above our heads. More so now during the pandemic.
- Which falls into this next point of investments. If you are living paycheck to paycheck, you do not have the flexibility to put money off for a rainy day.
The other link I won’t get into but it kind of follows the same mentality of why billionaires won’t donate. For external and internal reasons.
Take from the links what you will. At the end of the day, Overall, I don’t feel the world acknowledges the bare minimum we do to help others at times. Especially when we do not know the person or we think no one can see us. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture or life changing. It is just about making someone’s life temporarily a bit easier even if we cannot solve all the problems. A leader cannot move people with a self defeatist attitude.
I still remember walking home from campus with a backpack and a car pulled over. I have walked a few miles and in the final stretch lost in my own world when a Black mother and her young son had pulled over to welcome me to get a ride back. I can still vividly remember it to this day and the conversation. The son stating they should help out a stranger which I was lucky enough to be. I feel that energy attracts others to do better and take a look at themselves. For all the reasons people choose not to help, there are others out there willing to and do try. Maybe not every day but enough that it can mean something for the ones go out their way for.
Word To Myself: You do not need to carry the world on your back or try to save everyone. You will buckle under the weight of carrying that. You need to do what can until you know you can do better. Start with $20 a week in $5 increments and help a person. Do not worry where the money goes. Whether what you deem is good or bad. That is your ego. Do good today.
